Can you see the pain in someone’s eyes from just one look? Can you feel the pain in their silence? Do you feel the pull of someone’s desire to be loved?
I can spot it right off the bat.
I usually feel like I’m failing at life and am often wallowing in self pity and/or misery. But even just walking by someone I can feel their pain. I feel a pull towards them. I often find myself staring at them looking for something to confirm my feeling is right(and it often is). I want so bad to be able to come right out and comfort them. If someone did that for me on my bad days maybe I would have fewer. I spend most of my days feel torn, anxious and broken. I hating my brain and mad this is the mind and body I was given. But then I see someone also struggling and know that I’m not alone. I’m not the only one angry I have to be around people, I’m not the only one scared to speak up, I’m not the only one checking there phone hoping someone has reached out, I’m not the only one plagued by silence. I see it happening all around me all the time.
My dream is to be able to help others struggling the way I am and have in the past. I would’ve gave anything to have just one person be there for me the way I want to be there for others. I don’t need them to say or do much just need them to reach out. I want to give these people a place to go. We don’t need a place to check into for 30 days, a place hundreds of miles away for hundreds and thousands of dollars. We don’t need group circles, sitting in uncomfortable chairs. We don’t need people watching our every move thinking we’re going to off ourselves using a hair brush. Because guess what If we want to die, taking everything away everything from us we actually like in life isn’t going to make it better.
I want a space, I want comfort, I want the freedom to show how I really feel, I want people overlook my awkwardness and trust that I can understand them and that I have their back.
I don’t want to spend years in school then working for an organization that still isn’t helping people. I don’t need a degree to understand someone, I don’t need a degree to save someone from offing themselves.
I need an opportunity. I will make a place for these people, my people.