The Disconnect

When I was little I use to climb up in my dads lap when he was reading something and say “aren’t I prettier than what you’re reading”, hoping he would put it down and pay attention to me(before he passed away). 20 years later I still often feel the urge to do the same thing(slightly less dramatic of course). I find myself watching the man I love pour all of his attention into news, reviews, games, anything really. I watch him staring at a screen thinking if only I could catch his attention the way our depressing world does. What is worse is that it’s not just happening to me, I also have to watch him ignore our children as well. I am gentility of having my phone glued to my hand a lot of the time as well, but I try not to turn my full attention to it or I’ll put it down and focus on them some too. I am in no way free from the addiction to technology that most of us now “suffer” from. It’s simply painful to feel like you have to compete the latest CNN update. I don’t need someone to stop what they’re doing and tell me I’m pretty(although, sure that’s be great too), I just need to feel like I’m connected to someone and not that they are connect to everything in the world except me and our family.


What is Normal?

What is normal?
The image of a black and what TV show from the 50’s when I think of what a normal family might look like. Because just as the TV show was fictitious, so is the idea of a normal family. I have seen a lot of people try and replicate it, but they still fall short somewhere between always having dinner at 5 pm and always having clean, matched socks. It seems to me that far to many people have and are putting way to much time and effort into trying to reach this unattainable goal of “normal”. While I don’t spend my days trying to think of anything I can possibly do to be “different” from everyone else, I also don’t spend my days trying to think of anything I can do to be “normal”. I am just simply me. I think the way I want to, I have opinions all of my own, I speak the way it’s comfortable for me to do so(mostly too quite and/or mumbling), I love the way I know how, I laugh just the way it comes out, I dress the way I find comfortable, I eat the food I enjoy, I watch the TV shows I’ve come to enjoy, I parent the way I find appropriate(or at least I try), and I’ve come to do all of these things without listening to what other people think I should be doing. I didn’t do research on how a 23 year old should view dress, drive, eat, feel or act but I’ve managed to (mostly) figure all of those things out on my own. I don’t try to be the someone else’s view of a normal wife or mother, I love my own way and handle things my own way. I look at other woman and judge they way they love or act. I can help you repair your plumbing, tile your floor, change your cars oil, flat tire or spark plugs. But don’t ask me to bake you a casserole or watch your kids. Because the answer will be, burnt and left at a fire-station while you were out. But I don’t feel like that makes me any less of a wife or mother, just like I don’t think it makes any other woman who can’t do the thing I can less in of one either. If we were all the same wives and mothers the world would be a really boring place, their would be flat tires on a lot of mini vans and a lot more leaky sinks happening. I enjoy being different and sometimes hard to figure out. I’m just me, and I don’t plan on changing anytime soon.

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