Strange Discoveries

The lack of dislike I have each day surprises me. A weird statement right? See I have always struggled with depression, which means my mind always find a reason to dislike most things, whether I want it to or not. I would like to enjoy things way more than I usually do. Which means when I get woken up at 12:30, 2, 4:30 and 6am I should be really unhappy right? Wrong. Sure I’m tired about I can’t really be unhappy when I look down and see this cute little cuddly creature in my arms. Or when I have to wash about 100 bottles a day or do 1,000 loads of laundry a week. But again I’m not unhappy, and while I really dislike all of these snow days we keep having, or how my house is never clean. I’m probably happier than I’ve ever been. I was really trying to brace myself for my wave of postpartum misery that hit me after my first daughter was born, but it hasn’t. I really grew to hate all of those things more and more every day with her. I wasn’t happy. I knew I was supposed to be, but I wasn’t. Which just made me more unhappy because I since I wasn’t happy I felt bad (isn’t being a woman just great?!?!?). My toddler stresses me out, everything is always messy, our dinners come out of boxes with instructions on them,  I always smell like baby spit up. But I have three healthy kiddos, a hardworking husband, a warm home, and amazing friends and family. Yep, I’m pretty blessed to be me.

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