Positivity in the Strangest of Places

Positivity, something that I don’t usually have a lot of and if I do, it’s definitely not what comes out of my month. I’m just a negative person, it’s just part of my personality. I try really hard sometimes not to be that person, but sadly more times than not it’s the attitude you get from me. I believe it stems from my, let’s say somewhat odd childhood. It was a defense mechanism my brain “learned” at a young age. So here I am 23 years old and spreading my negative glee wherever I go. But recently something odd happened, the kind of thing that would send most people on the road to greater negativity. But for me in the face of great chaos and potential life altering events positivity overcame me. It all began about two weeks ago, I started having contractions and just had an overall feeling something wasn’t quite right, so I had a doctor’s appointment and sure enough I was already 50% thinned out and was having contractions pretty frequently. So I was put on modified bed rest, with another checkup in a week. At that following week’s appointment I was checked again, by then I has also dilated to 1 cm and the contractions had become even more frequent and intense, I was only 27 weeks. So my doctor put me in the hospital for observation.  I spent 3 days in our local hospital, then was transferred to a larger hospital about 2 hours away. During which time I was told several different things, first I was to believe I would most likely be delivering our baby girl within a couple of days, which was something very scary to be facing at only 27 weeks. As the days went on their plan was shifting to me staying in the hospital until I did deliver, which they were hoping would be at least a couple of more weeks. I was bed-bound with 6 or 8 cords hooked to me at all times, I wasn’t allowed to eat, I wasn’t sleeping more than maybe 10 minutes at a time. But still I didn’t break. I was almost constantly receiving texts, phone calls, Facebook massages, posts and more from my wonderful friends and family. I never felt alone or that help was out of my reach. I felt/feel beyond blessed to have such a great support system of caring people in my life. But the biggest factor in all of this was God. If I couldn’t sleep I was praying, if I got bad news I starting praying, if I started to feel overwhelmed I started praying. I just felt such an overcoming peace about everything. I was scared and frustrated sure, but I kept a (mostly) positive attitude about everything. Which I must say surprised myself! I kept waiting for this flood of emotions to kick in, a sudden feeling that I couldn’t take anymore, or that I was about to completely lose my mind. But it never happened. So this week as I am able to sit in my own home, with my family, unhooked from wires and cords, still baking my baby girl for another week I continue to feel blessed beyond words!


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