“Praying Lord Above I Need A Miracle”

I’ve really been struggling this past month, my depression has over taken my life at the moment and caused me to hit rock bottom. Why? I don’t know, maybe it’s just everything that has happened in the recent past is catching up with me. Or maybe it’s for no real reason at all. After all depression has no textbook standards and may come and go as it pleases. I have fought everyday to get out of bed, to cook, to clean, to wash my hair, to spend time with anyone. Two or three weeks ago if I wasn’t at work I was home in bed crying or just unable to make my seemly extremely heavy body out of bed. When I struggled with depression as a teenagers it was different, I could stay in bed all day and could wallow in self pity. After becoming a mom it became more difficult to handle when I was having a bad spell, but she was small and we would just be home body’s for a few days. Now that I’m married it’s become even more difficult. I can’t completely keep to myself, which for me is a huge struggle. I don’t want anyone around to judge me or think I’m being lazy or ungrateful. I need my space to hide. I also need comfort and lots of it, if you’re in my space please at least make the space feel loving and safe. I’m slowly coming out of my shattered state of mind. Only sadly now I’m coming to the end of another TTC cycle which I’m pretty sure failed, so that’s once again crushing. I sing to K-Love late at night on my way home, sometimes with tears streaming down my face, sometimes saying silent prayers to myself or around these times, with some hand over my belly praying for a miracle.

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