After months of us (mostly me) talking about trying for a baby, we have finally agreed (at the moment) to try. I was happy when my husband told me he was okay with it, but that moment of happiness quickly faded. I have been off birth control for a year now, I’ve gone to countless doctors appointments, 1 surgery, seemingly endless days of pain, lots of heartbreak and a suffering marriage for the whole time. It feels like with us both in agreement we should be starting this new chapter of our lives together, but I’ve already been battling this chapter for a year now, almost completely alone. So much that now I’m almost to heartbroken to continue this battle I’ve been fighting with infertility. I am so tired, crushed and weathered, I really don’t know how much longer I can continue this fight. But what is my other opinions? Giving up, without any chance of having another child… I don’t feel like I can do that either. I almost burst into tears every time I have to talk about it, or my friends ask me any questions about it. Every time I see an expecting mother or a cute little new born baby, I get a stabbing feeling in my chest or a sinking feeling in my stomach. I am so happy for these woman, but my heart hurts. Why can’t it be easier for me? Why do I have to want this baby so bad? I will continue to fight this overwhelming fight for as long as I can, in hopes that at the end of one of these battles I will have my wish granted.