Looking for an Escape

The city we live in has an awesome walking/running/biking trail that goes around most of the city, which is awesome, because the my home town has one walking path that is only about 1 mile long. I’ve spent the last couple of weeks (while still waiting to start my job) trying to push myself out the door to run. I talked my husband into walking a couple of mornings with me a couple of weeks ago, but then he was over it. I love my alone time, but when it comes to actually leaving the house to do something I usually want a sidekick, so trying to talk myself into running out there alone was really hard for me, on top of the fact that I think I look ridiculous running and always try to avoid it at all costs. But this past Monday morning I got my butt out there and ran/walked. I am really out of shape! I know there are some people that think just because I’m petite and at a normal weight range I shouldn’t be that out of shape, but oh I so am… I run/walk about 2-2 1/2 miles a day, and it takes me about 30-35 minutes to complete it. I’m mostly running to get out all the aggression I seem to always carry with me. I don’t feel like I have any control over my body, it seems to have a whole other mind of its own. I am constantly annoyed, disappointed and frustrated by my bodies actions or lack there of. Our marriage is a almost constant struggle, and our finances and in pretty rough shape right now. So I run. I’m punishing my body for its lack of effect, I’m taking all the anger I have and using it to push myself to run that much faster. Yes I would also like to lose some weight and be in better shape. But really I just running to escape.

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