Well folks we’ve been married one year!
We’ve made it through so much, grown so much and have learned so much more about each other(maybe to much).
While driving in my car on the way to my (then) future husbands house to meet up with him before the “ceremony”, with my friend/witness following behind me. I prayed. I prayed that God would somehow show me that I wasn’t supposed to marry him before I got there, if that’s what his will was. I hadn’t spent a lot of time praying about whether we should get married or not, if he was the one I was supposed to be tide to for the rest of my life here on earth. I probable should have, but I didn’t. But I did spend my 30 minute car ride there praying, I all of a sudden had an uneasy feeling about the whole marriage thing, had I made the right decision? I’m sure a lot of people would say it was cold feet, but to me it felt more like God was telling me to walk away. After my thirty minutes of pray I arrived at my (then) future husbands house and tried to brush off any feelings of unsureness I had. But I knew from the moment it happened we had chosen the wrong path for our lives. I couldn’t shake off the feeling of failure and frustration. Couldn’t we just be a happily married couple for even a day? It took a couple of months for the sinking feeling in my gut to go away. But even after its passing, we still had an up hill battle to climb. If you want to find the perfect married couple for a why not to get married poster, you would have found them! We were making each other miserable. We didn’t know how to work as a married couple. I was also finding out that maybe I was to young to get married, I longed for my freedom. Also our age diffidence (ten years) showed more as well. It wasn’t either of our faults nor did we know how to fix the problems. This past year has been an adjustment period for the both of us to say the least. At this point things have started to calm down (fingers crossed, knock on wood). If I wasn’t a Christian I probably would have given up and bailed a long time ago, but because of my faith I’ve stuck it out. I’m not staying because I’m a Christian and that’s what they do, stay in a marriage no matter what. I’m staying because I believe God lead us to get married for a reason, and if I left I would mess up God’s plan. I don’t believe he leads anyone to get married just to watch them fail then go their separate ways. On your wedding day you made a promise, one of the biggest promises you can make, which means you need to make it truthfully and wholeheartedly, it’s a promise that’s meant to least for a lifetime, even on days you want to completely give up and run for the nearest train station. If I’m being completely honest I did give up at one point, I stopped investing anymore of myself, because I was so emotionally drained. It took me a month or two to really stop long enough to notice, that I just didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care if we split up, if one of us cheated or if we were making each other happy anymore. I just simply went to work and took care of our house and everyone in it, without questions if we were happy. I knew I wasn’t and that if things continued at the rate they were going I would probably be on my way out soon. But then one day it hit me, our marriage wasn’t working because one of it’s team members(our team if two) had dropped out of the game(i.e. our marriage). I know a marriage doesn’t actually work if one team member is playing and the other isn’t, but I also know what you’re never going to win a game if no one is out there on the field playing(I’ve been watching to much baseball). I alone can’t make our marriage completely work, but I know that if I don’t pull my share of the weight the whole thing will come crashing down before us. After my realization I put on my gear and step out onto the field. I don’t think we’re making it to the playoffs anytime soon, but hey we won some games this season. We all need our training seasons when were facing challenges in life. I am very thankful to have some great friends that have been there for me throughout this last year, without them I probably wouldn’t have made it this far. I also wouldn’t have made it this far, or anywhere really without God’s constant encouragement and guidance, and if you’re on his side, you’ll always be on the winning team.