15 Years Ago Forever

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Today marks 15 years since my dads passing. On August 2nd 1999 my world was turned upside down. The memory’s I have are fading more day by day, I try so hard to hold on to them, but they are slipping. Whereas months that were spent with him have faded into minutes or seconds of scattered flashes of memories I once had complete view of. I feel that he would be the only person that could possibly understand my battle with depression that I’ve fought most of my life, the pain I’ve suffered as I’ve tried to push my way through my unsettled life. I wouldn’t have to try to find someone who understands me, he would. But that’s not the road on which I have been lead to, my road has been full of ups and downs, dips, ruts and detours. Thus this one life altering event changed the course of my life’s direction. I can’t change it, and would be to terrified to know the outcome even if I could. This was the path I was suppose to be on. No doubt its been a painful, saddening, overwhelming and crazy one. But I have been and am loved by so many amazing people God has placed in my life, I don’t believe I would have made it thus far without them. God chose this life for me, because he knew I was strong enough it make it through it and possibly even thrive. Admittedly days like today are harder then most others. But I let myself continue to grieve a little more these days. Unlike the saying “time heals all wounds”, it doesn’t. Truthfully time doesn’t heal anything, minutes don’t mend hearts. I believe the only thing time does is erases your memory’s, which makes your pain seem a little more bearable day after day. We all lose love one’s, but you have to stop and look around at all the life that’s beginning.    

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