How Do I Decided?


I’m glad to have finally stumbled across this articular, because I’ve been trying to find anything remotely helpful or close to what I’m going through. I’ve done several searches now, and only this time did it bring this link up. I know I have talk quite a bit and the pain both physical and emotional I’ve been going through. This month sadly has been another painful month, my over-all-day-to-day pain its increasing, and I now experience pain during almost any task or even movement. I’ve been suffering from pain of some-sort or another almost none-stop for the past 10 years now. I suffered from stomach problems at a pre-teen, I had my appendix removed, I injured my back and it didn’t heal properly, I had a C-section, a scope surgery and now this endless pain. I’ve done medications, creams, injections, physical therapy and I’ve seen a number of doctor’s over the years. I’m tired of all of it, I don’t want to have to see a doctor every couple of weeks, I don’t want to take anymore medications and I don’t want to have to talk about it and go through all of it with another doctor. This is of course on top of my heart problems I’ve faced as well. I really try not to complain and put on a brave, pain-free face. But that is becoming impossible at this point, I can’t cough, sit down, pick of my daughter or even twist my body around to look off to the side without shooting pain overtaking me. The best way I could describe the pain to someone would be, (for mother’s) imagine having labor constrictions randomly throughout your everyday life. (for women-non-mother’s) Imagine having someone sticking a thousand little needles into your uterus and twisting it from side-to-side every couple of minutes. (for men, and this one is harder) imagine someone taking a 5 pound ball(not make that weird) covering it in tiny little pins(needles), inserting in your abdomen then turning and twisting it around as they please. It’s really hard to explain the pain to a man and even harder for them to take it seriously, but you can’t say I didn’t try. I counted this month the number of days I wasn’t in enough pain I’d want to cry, and the number is 3. Three days out of a whole month, that weren’t even pain-free, just not “that bad”. The longer I go with the removal surgery the more pain I seem acquire. I feel alone in this, I can’t seem to find a story online to match mine close enough, and I really hope there just aren’t that many women facing this problem. I know there are women out there facing much better and more painful problems, and knowing that saddens me very much, and I pray they can also find relief and are able to live out their lives happy and pain-free. Until that day comes for me I will be laying down with my heating pat and quietly crying to myself(when I can get a free moment).   


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