Progress for Success

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This past week I have spent most to my time thinking about how unhappy I am with my life right now. I’m to fat, my stepson doesn’t listen to me, my daughter is just about more then I can handle right now, my husband isn’t saying and doing the right things to make me happy. So yesterday I was like this is it, I’ve had enough. I made it to work without having a angry outburst, but once I got there I was just thinking of the right words to text my husband(because I hate face-to-face confrontation with him). I couldn’t come up with something that didn’t sound mean or would be taken the wrong way. At this point my husband and I have talked(me mostly talking of course) about pretty much every problem we have with each other or our relationship by this point. And nothing has changed either way, so what’s the point of bringing up my unhappiness? So I’m driving home and I’m thinking about making my husband coffee before he goes to work, like I did every night until about 2 or 3 weeks ago. But then the thought popped Β into my head, the same thought that has been popping up every time over the last few weeks. Why should I do something nice for my husband? I don’t feel like he ever does anything to make me happy or really help me out. I’m not going to reward him, he doesn’t deserve to have nice things done for him, what nice thing has he done for me (my thought process)? I’ve been praying about it off and on whenever I get overwhelmed or angry, so while I’m driving home from work and thinking of all I need to do before I go to bed(coffee making and all), it hits me. What if I just do something nice for him? What if I continued to do nice things for him? I pretty sure he won’t return any favors, but that’s not really the point here. I’ve wanted to leave, I’ve wanted out of this marriage. Honestly I would have left before now if I wasn’t a Christian. Their is a reason God planned for us to be married. I sure as heck don’t know what it is, other then maybe to see how many night I can cry myself to sleep before one eye ball pops out of my head. But he does. So all this pain and unhappiness I’m going through is for a reason. And if I put my all into it and give this marriage everything I have, then and only then maybe God will allow me to be happy one day again. Me being mean, standoffish, angry, hateful, rude and so on isn’t going to fix our marriage, EVER! So I can be nice(I pray), with God’s help. I will have to bite my tongue(so hard it may bleed), and smile my anger away. Every time I fell lonely, God will be there with me. Every time I feel unwanted God will be there to tell me otherwise. Is my attitude going to change over night? Ha probably not, but each day I will make more progress and maybe make my marriage a little more of a success. Much love blogger world!

– Hannah
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