The 10 Step Program Before Marriage


Ten things to think about before you say “I Do”. I’m still a “newlywed” myself but here are somethings I’ve learned myself and through other people.


1. Religion. Try and have a sit down talk( if you haven’t already) about on another’s religion preferences, because you don’t want to spend every holiday fighting over who’s church you’ll be attending. Even if right now it doesn’t seem like it’s a big deal to you either way. Because if you don’t already have children you might come to realize down the road it really does matter to you.


2. Where will you be working and living. Have an open discussion about where you see yourself working in 10 or even 5 years. Which state, town or country you would like raise kids or retire in.


3. No small things. If there is any (no matter how small it may seem now) thing that could come between you and you’re future spouse, discuss it now! Don’t wait until it seems relevant. If it could come between the two of you in anyway at any point, trust me it’s relevant now.


4. Do you want kids? Yet again this does matter now. If the person you’re madly in love with doesn’t want kids and you do, over time that love may fade. Don’t be afraid to tell the truth, it just may set you free from further heartache down the road.  


5. How much money is enough money? Do you see yourself working 40 hours a week or less? Do you see yourself working endless overtime? Do you want to live in a 3 story house, or a two bedroom fixer upper? What does your future spouse see? Because you’ll want to know from the get-go if your spouse may never be there when you get home from work or on the weekends. Or if their going to work 10 hours a week and spend the rest of their time scrap booking. Believe me, it matters. 


6. Paying for it. Will either of you still be in, planning on starting or returning to school in the next two years? Does either of you have a “good” about of debt they will be bringing into the marriage? Are either of you still paying car payments? Will you two need to make a pretty big investment in something right after you tie the knot? Getting money talk out of the way as soon as possible is the easiest way to go. It leaves the other partner feeling like they did get hit with a curve ball right after the honey-moon. This is kind of the same thing as number 5, but in different terms. And it seemed relevant to me.


7. Does everyone get along (well enough)? It may seem like you can keep everyone at a safe distance now, but in 2 years when you no longer see your friends because they want to throat punch your spouse every time they see him/her it will clearly become a problem. And seeing each others family every holiday means any problems between you and your future spouses family will come out sooner rather then later probably anyways. Sure they’ll wait for you to get down the aisle, but the reception may be another story all together. If you don’t like someone or you feel like they don’t like you, be forthcoming and tell some another now.



8. They’re beauty is deceiving. You may think that your fiance is the most beautiful/hottest person you ever laid eye on, but five or ten years down the road that might not be the case. Take a good look, I mean a really good look at each other and decide for sure that you could handle them being 20-50 pounds heaver, bold or missing a limb. Beauty is quickly fading unlike you’re marriage certificate. Try not to let your overwhelming love for one another now blind yourself in this decision. And in no way be mean or insulting to one another.



9. Feelings. Do you still have feelings for ANYONE else? If so I would deal with that elephant in the room now before it ends up crushing you’re marriage. You may think that after you get married the feelings will go away or so on. But guess what? They don’t! They only get worse, because guess what you’re now wanting something you can’t have or know clearly know that you shouldn’t. So if that personal seemed like a prime piece of meat before, they will now seem like the best five-stare prime rib you’ll ever see (worst analogy ever, I know). Don’t try to bury your feelings now, they will only get stronger, and their path a detraction my just completely flatten down your spouse (again terrible analogy).


10. Till death do you part. Take a good look back at the relationship you’ve had thus far. Is there any red-flags? Something you chose to ignore? Please take a good hard look at things and be totally sure this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. It’s okay if they’re not, because it’s a lot easier to back out of a wedding, then it is to back out of a marriage (and by that I mean you can’t just back out of a marriage). You’re family and friends will get over it long before you could recover from a painful divorce. 



I would just like to say good luck and congratulations to all the future newlyweds out there! I’m rooting for you, and may God bless you’re live together!


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