I feel like I’m on the wrong side, I’m with the losing team. My coach has thrown in the towel. My team mates are walking away with their heads down. I have let them down. They won’t even look me in the eye. the people that were sitting in the stands have came and shared their disappointment with me. Now they are keeping there distance from me. I can feel their criticism from yards away. The opposing team looks down on me, knowing they have defeated me. Their laughing at me. I walk off the field with my head hung down low, I hate myself at that moment. I feel abandon and lonely. I sit in my car letting one tear side down my cheek, I sit there completely still. Unable to move with the pain that’s weighing down on my shoulders. How did I mess things up so bad? I will be the outcast from now on.
That’s how I use to feel everything I messed something up in my past. Every mistake no matter how small would completely broke me down, and I would fall apart. I felt strapped in my prison. I spent so much time whaling in self pity, and hating myself. I was unable to love another, I couldn’t even love myself. I feared everything.
Depression is overwhelming. Depression is even more overwhelming when you’re also a teenager. You will feel more alone and misunderstood, then adults will. It’s more frustrating, because you have so many thoughts running through your head it’s harder to focus in enough to figured out which ones and causing what feelings. Adults probably won’t understand you, nor will other teenagers. Other teenagers with depression will most likely feel different than you, because everyone experiences depression in a different way. They will most likely understand you loneliness, but that is all.