Self-Control

I have a temper. Anyone who even remotely knows me, knows that. I am quick to anger and react. I hate that about myself, I sure didn’t chose to be this way. I really try to hold off on people seeing me that way for as long as I can. It is something I pray about daily, or even several times a day. It affects my relationships, my parenting, my friendships and at work. I’m not really sure where it come from or why I am this way. I guess it’s just my cross to bare. The peak of my anger happened when I was 15 or 16, I think I just felt so out of control at that point, which caused me to lash out in anger, and again with self mutilation. Thankfully I grow out of that pretty quickly when I moved out, and realized if I wanted to be treated like an adult, I needed to act like one. I had also been put on and taken off several different medication by that point, which made it kind of hard for me to actually tell what I was feeling and how to control myself. Thankfully I was finally put on one that helped, the only probably is if I’ve had to stop it, then start it again, or the change my doses, it will make me pretty aggressive and angry for a couple of weeks. But all in all it has helped me. I can either throw myself pity party’s, and/or make excuses for myself, or I can own up to the fact that I’m not perfect and I have problems that need to be fixed. I’m not going to let my anger control me anymore. Over the past couple of weeks, anytime I feel like I’m going to get anger and say something I shouldn’t, I either get up and walk away before I say anything stupid or I start praying and block out whats going on until the urge to lash out goes away or at least eases up. I’ve got God on my side, my anger doesn’t stand a chance

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