Struggles into Blessings.

As you will see a lot of the time Christian’s get married pretty young, and a lot of the time Homeschoolers  will also get married quite young. So it should come as no surprise that while I was growing up I always imagined myself getting married fairly young. I did however imagined myself not having a child until quite a bit later in life, if at all. I have never been a kid person, while I love baby’s and think their adorable, I don’t like what happens after they turn one. Anyone who knows me will say they thought I would never be a mom. But here’s the “funny” thing, I got married about 4 years after I had originally planned to and had a child at 19. At which point I realized I had to rethink my whole life, the plans I made early in life suddenly took a side-turn and dropped off a hill, never to be seen again. I hadn’t really thought about what would happen if or what not, just that I would get married at 18 or 19 then go to a two year college get some kind of boring degree that I would make descent money, and spend the rest of my time being madly in love and traveling the world as I would/did want to do, a long with (possibly) having a child at 28 or so. Now I was suddenly faced with WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!?!?! I had never made a back up plan, I had never thought about what if I didn’t meet mister right at like 16, even with being the critical downer that I am. But you know what I was fine anyways, I ended up learning how to be happy anyways, I learned to love myself for who I am, I didn’t need a man to come in and sweep me off my feet. Was going through all those times by myself easy? No, but I learned how to do everything by myself and enjoy doing it. I’m sure the fact that I grow up most of my life without my dad, made it a little easier to transition into, since us Brown girl’s learned how to do everything themselves. It didn’t wreck my life the first Christmas it was just B and I, the first time a pipe burst in our apartment, first time out lights went out, the first time someone tried to break into our apartment, the first time B had the flu, and so on. Were all of those times hard and frustrating? Yes. Would it have been easier to have a permanent man in my life? Maybe. Did I curl up in the fetal position and burst into tears? Heck no! I don’t like to ask for help, I actually hate to. I will break my neck, bank, will to live, if it means not having to ask for help. If I actually ask you for help, you should know that, that was about the last thing in the world left to do at that point. I learned to independent, trust little to no one, put on or fake a brave face, and take the everyday challenges with stride. I didn’t finish college, I really only barely started, I didn’t get my little house with the white picket fence, I haven’t gotten to see all 50 states yet, heck I don’t even own a suitcase. I love my life, because guess what God planned it, I didn’t have to worry when my plan got throw under the bus, God had a better plan in store, it maybe looked like a train-wreck from the outside. But in the end I have learned so much about life, myself, love, patience, faith, how not to worry about all the things I can’t change. I throw my hands up and said God I know you’ll take it from here


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